Have we lost the art of listening?
TODAY Weekend • December 8, 2007
Keith Wong
AS time progresses, words also morph in meaning. One of the origins of the word "listen" can be found in the language of the ancient Goths, where it means to "pay attention". But it could be said that when we listen today, we no longer give attention in its fullest sense. One wonders if "listening" to others these days has become a euphemism for some facile public relations exercise or exhibitionistic presentation on the part of the listener. Perhaps when we stop to listen, it is more in the spirit of evaluation than an effort to better understand others.
When a child underperforms or misbehaves in school, he is sent to a "counsellor" or "one who dispenses advice". Though most counsellors provide a listening ear, the job title seems antithetical. It is as if the term "school listener" lacks the power of "school counsellor".There may be a reason why only the "problematic" children are listened to — we do so in a bid to have our advice and voices heard, and to prove we are right.
Not listening to others can have dire consequences when we miss warnings that might come through in conversation. The Nigerian "advance fee scheme", in which a scammer poses online as a Nigerian civil servant asking for help for fund transfers, has received a fair amount of press coverage. But "despite many warnings, it continues to draw in many victims", according to www.scambusters.com. Scams like these have entered our daily conversations, such as the recent "Hong Kong Lucky Draw Scam". Not listening often perpetuates judgments based on prejudice rather than experience. It might be time to start listening to the voice of Singapore's growing numbers of new citizens and permanent residents.
Recently, Senior Minister Goh Chok Tong observed that "new residents did not mix easily with the Singaporeans" and Singaporeans "tended to leave (the new residents) alone".This suggests the existence of preconceived notions. To let go of these, we need to silence our thoughts and allow others to express themselves. This is the essence of listening — it entails creating a space of non-judgment and empathy, and not just paying "ear service". But listening is sometimes not enough. The art of communication involves both speakers and listeners.
But these two roles are increasingly being caught in a vicious circle. As speakers, we find it difficult to express ourselves, while as listeners, we are too keen to make our opinions heard.
Education and medicine are fields which require close contact with others, yet the pressures of modern society means educators and medical practitioners have less time to give personalised attention. In schools here, students clam up in class when questions are asked, as though deliberate and calculated answers are all they can muster. When given a platform to express themselves to a listening audience, they choose to keep mum. But these same students are very responsive when given personalised attention. Students are often more adept at writing essays. But often, they tend to give irrelevant answers, as they are unable to "listen" effectively to the demands of the question.
The silvering of Singapore has led to a growing number of elderly patients. So, increasingly taxed doctors in some medical institutions find they have less time to listen to patients, many of whom are unable or unwilling to express clearly and briefly what they feel is wrong with their bodies.
As listeners, we can put judgment aside and pay attention because we value the speaker. As speakers, when we remember our listeners, we communicate with them instead of trying to prove that we are right. The art of truly listening requires us to realise that, in as much as we value and exhibit our individuality, we need to remember to value other individuals.
The writer is an educator.
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